Gam Zu L'Tova

I haven’t posted a bog in ages. Actually, I posted many a blog in November, just not in this blog. (Check out writenonficinnov.blogspot.com.) I was blogged out after that and couldn't bring myself to blog in December. Now I’m not so blogged out, and I’m ready to blog again.

Much has happened. My husband lost his job. I missed out on two really big radio interviews. We put our little somewhat feral kitty to sleep. My daughter's panic attacks have continued, maybe even worsened.

Oh, some good things have happened, too. We went to New York for a Thanksgiving family reunion. I received a tithe check from a church where I often speak. One of my book projects is being considered by a publishing house.

But somehow, it’s those bad things that are stuck in my head, and with them comes my struggle with a Kabbalistic teaching: Gam zu l’tovah. This, too, is for the best.

Sometimes it’s really hard to see why something that happens to us is for the best, at least in the moment when it is happening to us. When we look backwards after a time, often it’s easier to understand how that event was for the best, how it got us to a new – possibly better – place we might not have made it to otherwise. It’s harder to see these things when you are still so close to them, when you are still living them.

Now, I can see to some extent why my husbands lost job was for the best, but, on the other hand, I still have a hard time mustering clear vision on this particular event. He hated that job. It made him miserable. He needed to be out job hunting, and he wasn’t going to put his whole heart and all his effort into finding a new job as long as he stayed in that job. So, losing the job was a good thing. However, with no job, we, as a family, find ourselves in financial peril. I have a hard time seeing that as a good thing. Mind you, he’s doing some contract consulting work, which will keep us going for a while and gives him a feel for doing consulting work, but the fact that he doesn’t have a steady income represents a scary reality for us. Contract work only lasts so long. Our financial situation wasn’t so great before he lost his job, and he isn’t making as much as he was when he held down a full-time job. Plus, in the meantime, all my work has dried up as well leaving us, once again, dependent on his salary. It’s difficult to see this as a good thing.

It’s harder for me to see anything good about me missing two radio interviews. I could rationalize that I wasn’t ready for them. I almost paid for some media training for the second one – a great opportunity to be on a BBC World News talk show, but I didn’t because of my husband’s job situation. I was waiting for the interview to actually be scheduled – which never happened – before committing to the training. (Surprise, surprise. Anyone who knows anything about conscious creation (LOA) knows that I wasn’t focused on the interview happening but on it not happening. I didn’t trust that it would come true. I didn’t have faith.) I suppose that it could be a good thing the interview didn’t come through, because maybe without the media training I would have made a fool out of myself. After the first missed interview, my agent said, “Something better will come along,” and it did…and then it went away. I don’t yet see the good in that. Maybe one day I will. Maybe the BBC will call me up to speak about a topic I would prefer to speak on. As my husband said, “At least now they know who you are.” That is a good thing, but an interview under my belt would have been better. I wish my vision was clearer on this one.

As for putting the little kitty to sleep, I suppose the good in that was that we put her out of her misery – she was sick and possibly suffering at that point. And we then committed to the other kitty that had adopted us and totally adopted her. We took her for her vaccinations and allowed her to sleep in the house at night. Now we have a pet. We lost our dog last year and were left with these two cats – one feral and one our neighbor’s that decided she liked our house better. Now she is ours (Our neighbor is happy about that, by the way.), and we have a pet again.

I sometimes wonder about my books – why they haven’t yet been published. I suppose this too is for the best. I’ll understand why eventually. Maybe I haven’t really figured out how best to write them, what approach to take. Maybe as the years have gone by my perspective has changed enough to significantly improve how I will write them. Maybe for one of my projects that had a publisher and then lost a publisher the first one wasn’t the right one; this one considering the manuscript might be perfect. Maybe I didn’t have the time then to do what it would take to market and promote my books. Now my kids are older and I’ll have a bit more time. While I still find it hard to see how this is for the best, I can refocus my vision and find the good if I try.

I’ve wondered about my daughter – why she had to experience her best friend’s suicide last summer and now suffers from panic attacks. How could that be for good? I suppose one day we’ll know. Maybe she’ll help other people who lose friends to suicide. Maybe it will stop her from ever committing suicide herself. Maybe the fact that she has had to go into counseling for her attacks will giver her insight into herself she wouldn’t have otherwise gained at all or wouldn’t have gained until she was much older. It’s hard, though, to understand how a 15-year-old having to suffer such a tragedy can be for the best.

The issue, I believe, revolves around having faith even when we can’t know the reasons why something happens to us or to others. Faith requires trust. When we have faith, we don’t have to “see it to believe it.” We just believe it. We trust. We don’t have to understand it to believe it either. We just do. We have faith. And so, the Kabbalists said we must have faith that everything is happening just as it is supposed to happen. No matter what befalls us, we must trust that “gam zu l’tovah.” And one day, maybe the reason why will be revealed to us. Ken yehe ratzon. (May it be God’s will.)

If Hindsight is 20-20, What’s Foresight?

I’m a big believer in visioning, or visualizing what we want to create in the future. I guess you’d call this foresight. I’ve noticed however, that my foresight tends to be perfect. In fact, you could say that when I see the future, I have better-than-20-20 vision.

Yet, I’m well aware of the common adage the hindsight is 20-20. I understand this to mean that we don’t always see clearly in the moment, in the now. Seeing in this sense encompasses more than just seeing what is right in front of us but also those things that are hidden or harder to see, such as why things are in our lives or experiences. Sometimes we only “see” this when we look backward at the past with a new perspective afforded from time and space.

All of this tells me that when I’m visioning the future, and then the future becomes the present, my better-than-20-20 vision becomes flawed. I don’t see perfectly. Sometimes I don’t see at all. I might even create that perfect future I envisioned and not see it at all. I might not realize I manifested it in the here and now.

I began thinking about this idea of hindsight and foresight when I recently was asked to speak on the topic of vision at a local new thought church. I needed more than this one little bit of personal wisdom to fill out my 30 minute talk, and the congregation tends to like the fact that I typically bring them some Jewish teachings when I speak there. I didn’t know much about the Jewish view on vision, however, so I put out a query to my Jewish Renewal list serve for help. I received many suggestions, all of which were thought provoking. There were too many to include in my talk or in this blog, but a few provided me with the insights I needed. I’d like to share a few here as well.

My friend and teacher Rabbi Goldie Milgram first reminded me that the morning blessings refer to vision. Indeed, each morning observant Jews say the words, “Blessed are you God who gives sight to the blind.” Reb Goldie told me that she believed that this blessing doesn’t simply refer to blind people who are given sight; she said it refers to our capacity “through God-connection to become increasingly less blind to what’s around us.” So, the more connected we are to God, the more we see, the more vision we have. Or maybe we simply become more aware and more conscious, and, therefore, we see more clearly. This provides a compelling reason to pursue a spiritual practice of some sort each day. I personally like to combine my spiritual practice with visioning. I’m not sure if that can improve my foresight, which is already excellent, but I’m sure it improves my ability to see my present. I definitely see my now with added clarity when I do this.

Reb Goldie also suggested I look at a reading fro the prophet Isaiah. This particular reading is called Chazon after the first Hebrew word (chazon) in the portion, which mean’s “vision.” The Shabbat (Sabbath) on which this portion is read is called the Sabbath of Vision (Shabbat Chazon), and it precedes the holiday of Tish B’Av, which commemorates the destruction of both the temples in Jerusalem. On this Sabbath, every year Jews read of Isaiah’s vision of the destruction of Jerusalem and of the rebirth of Jerusalem and the building of the third temple – a vision of a joyous time that has not yet arrived.

Some very great commentators have shared their thoughts on why just before the holiday that commemorates such a sad event in Jewish history we read a prediction of this tragedy but a vision of a happier time. For example, Rashi taught that even as Jews begin this period of grief they should also envision sadness turning to happiness, thus remembering that this is the course life tends to take. Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev taught that our vision of the future must become internalized and arouse a longing, for this changes us and makes it possible for us to bring that vision into physical reality. In this process, our souls see the vision as already existing; thus, we long for something that is distant and that inspires us while at the same time feeling at peace with something that exists within us as reality.

Rabbi Levi could be one of the teachers on the popular DVD The Secret (or quoted in the book by the same name) or a proponent for my own book Abracadabra! The Kabbalah of Conscious Creation! He’s talking about the power of seeing what we want as already manifest. And he’s talking about being happy and at peace with the vision of what we want even though we haven’t yet seen it come into our physical reality.

In addition, my friend Rabbi Fred Guttman was kind enough to share one of his High Holy Day sermons with me that spoke to the fact that without a vision of the future we cannot manifest that very same future. He quoted from Proverbs, chapter 29, which says, “Where there is no vision, the people show no restraint.” Says Rabbi Fred, “The text here is teaching us that without vision, the people lack direction and fumble around.” Isn’t it true that if we don’t visualize our future – if we don’t see it clearly – we don’t know where we are going? That foresight gives us a roadmap, a blueprint that we can follow.

Additionally, Rabbi Fred told a wonderful story about 10 Jews crossing a river prior to the onset of the Sabbath. When they get to the other side, however, the leader counts them all to see if they have all made it across. To his dismay, he finds there are only nine. Someone has drowned in the river leaving them without a minyan. He counts several times with the same result. As the group begins to wail for their drowned friend, a peasant comes along. He count the men, and finds that there are, indeed, still 10. The leader had not counted himself. Rabbi Fred ended the story by saying, “Very quickly, these wise men understood that it is one thing to count upon others, but it is something else entirely to count upon oneself.”

Rabbi Fred went on to stress a similar point in his sermon as did I that Sunday morning in church. I pointed out that if we don’t put ourselves in our own vision, we will never see ourselves in that future we desire to create. The future might come to pass, but we won’t be in it. Plus, to make that vision into a reality, we must count upon ourselves to manifest it; we must see ourselves as part of what is necessary to bring it into physical reality.

Last, but definitely not least, I shared with the small congregation a story from one of my favorite Jewish authors, Rabbi Mitch Chefitz. The story, called “Just a Miracle,” comes from his book of short stories, The Curse of Blessings (previously published in his novel The Seventh Telling: The Kabbalah of Moshe Katan) and describes a townspeople’s reaction of young Elijah’s miracles. No matter what he does, the townspeople say it was “just” this or “just” that. The young girl who is the recipient of all these miracles learns a lesson from this, a lesson about how our language and our thinking affect our vision. Here's what Mitch writes about the lesson she learns and goes on to teach others:

“The word just puts blinders on you,” she taught. “so even though a miracle might be right there in front of you, you won’t be able to see it. You would see just this, or just that, but never look into the depth of anything. Your eyes would never open in wonder.

“That you open your eyes at all is a miracle. The word just can’t keep your eyes from seeing, but the word just can keep you from seeing the miracle of sight.”

So, go out and see. Feel blessed that you have vision. Connect with God so that your vision increases. Have foresight. Use your better-than-20-20 vision to visualize that perfect future you desire. Internalize that vision so that it changes you and changes your future. See yourself in that future. And when that future becomes your present, and that present is miraculous, don’t discount it as just another day, another moment, another whatever. See it. Really see it. Have 20-20 vision, or better-than-20-20 vision, now.