Singing the Blues

Remember that old song, "Can't live, when living is without you. Can't live, can't live any more!" I don't know who sang it, but today the words are running through my mind with a slight variation on the words. "Can't live, when living is focused on you."

Yeah, that's right. I admit it. I've been so damn focused on where my husband "is" right now with his spiritual path (or lack thereof) and his attitude towards life and his beliefs about God and about life, that I've not been living my life at all. In fact, I've been miserable. And I've been making him miserable. And I've been making our relationship miserable.

I'm a total believer in the fact that what we focus on expands. I know that when I am thinking about red convertibles, I definitely see more red convertibles on the road. Even if I'm not "creating" them, I'm more aware of them. In my own perception, I perceive more of them. It's now different in my relationship experience and in my life experience. The more I focus on what I don't like about how my husband is living his life and about how he is thinking and what he is believing, the more aware I become of all of this. And the more upset I become about it. And the more I see of it, and the more miserable I become. And that surely does not lead to me living my life fully at all.

So, while I was walking with a friend today, she basically told me to let my husband have his own spiritual path. She said he might not look like he's on one right now, but his questioning and his disbelief might really just be one stop on his spiritual path. She reminded me that consciousness and spirituality are all about questioning and reevaluating and coming to new understandings of our beliefs. So, if he is angry and feeling like a victim, if he want to shout at God or not believe in God, if he wants to not believe in anything right now, maybe that is just part of his spiritual path. Maybe, like Jacob, he is wrestling with God right now, or needs to. And, she said, I should be compassionate and loving until he finds his way or comes to a new understanding.

Okay. Got it. I've been one complaining, unhappy, judgemental, impatient wife (there's another word I could use, but I won't.) -- and not too spiritual either. And I've been spending all my time focused on him rather than on me, focused on what I perceive as not working, not right, not what I want rather than on what is working, what is right what is working.

Time to focus on what enlivens me, on what brings life into our relationship, on what helps me live fully. Maybe in the process, it will help him do the same. In either case, I'll stop singing the blues.

Rebbe Adin Steinsaltz (and me) on the Popularity of Kabbalah

I went to hear Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz speak last week. I was very excited to hear what he would have to say about Jewish mysticism, since I write about Kabbalah and have been a student of Jewish mysticism for some years now. Notice I say a student, not an expert; it matters not that I have written a small book on the subject. I still feel I am far from an expert on anything but the small little piece of Kabbalah that I think I understand.

But Rebbe Steinsaltz…now he is an expert. He wrote the classic book on Kabbalah, The Thirteen Petaled Rose. I read it this past summer. I loved it, and learned much from it.

Anyway, the Rebbe spoke about the fact that Kabbalah cannot be taken out of the greater works of Judaism or out of the way we as Jews live, but that as it has become a popular spiritual (a term he dislikes) path, of sorts, it has been cut out or away from its source. He said Jewish mysticism is part of the whole teaching of Judaism and equated studying it alone to taking a beautiful woman and cutting her into pieces. If we only had her nose or her mouth or her leg, we wouldn’t find that piece so beautiful, nor would it have much meaning to us, he explained. The beauty and meaning are found in context of the whole – the woman in totality. The same is true of Kabbalah. It is part of the whole we call Judaism. He explained that we can find Kabbalah in the blessing we say over the bread, in the prayer, “Lecha Dodi,” that we say on Friday nights to welcome the Sabbath, and in the prayer book we use every day. He said Kabbalah can be found in the way we as Jews live and think.

He stressed, however, that we have never lived or thought in a way that could be deemed “popular,” but now Kabbalah has not only been extracted from the whole of Judaism but made popular to boot. This popular Kabbalah, he seemed to say, is not really the Kabbalah of the Jews and shouldn’t be sold like a fashionable dress to anyone who simply wants to get in on the newest trend or be part of a fad that celebrities find appealing.

I’m no supporter of selling Kabbalah water and I don’t care what the rich and famous do, but I don’t have an issue with Kabbalah’s popularity. I have often wondered why celebrities find Kabbalah so attractive, but I believe that people like Madonna actually find that Jewish mysticism does something positive for their lives – adds something, changes them, enhances their perspective – otherwise they wouldn’t bother advocating this particular spiritual path or spending so much time and money supporting one particular spiritual group. If making Kabbalistic teachings accessible to people allows them to learn about Jewish mysticism, even out of the context of Jewish life and Judaism as a whole, offers people something they need and want – something that betters their lives and helps them improve themselves, isn’t that a good thing? I believe it is. So, it’s a fad. Who cares if some people benefit from it – and I don’t mean just those making money off of it. (I could be accused of the same, as could all those writing and selling books on the topic and teaching classes and seminars based on their books – and there are some very well-respected authors out there writing books on Kabbalah, including Rebbe Steinsaltz himself.)

We Jews know the truth; in Judaism, mysticism has always existed. Sometimes even within Judaism it was a fad and became popular. And at other times it was seen as bad and hidden away. But it was always there. It will remain there, but because it has become popular again within and without Judaism, more people will understand it and be able to use its principles and benefit from its teachings. Theymay not be immersed in Jewish life, that is true. Yet, they may get a glimmer of what that might be like. And if that person is a Jew, that glimmer might be enough to send that person seeking a more Jewish life.

I know that I have spoken to many Jews seeking a more spiritual Judaism. When we discuss some of the beliefs that are found within Jewish mysticism, they are thrilled and excited and want to learn more. They are eager to delve deeper and to explore Judaism in a way they have not in the past. Kabbalah brings them home again. It had the same affect on me, bringing me back into the fold of the religion of my birth after many years seeking "something more" elsewhere. It hasn't made Madonna want to be a Jew, although she did choose a Hebrew name, nor did it make her want to lead a Jewish life. Yet, there might be some other non-Jews out there so influenced by Kabbalah that they are considering becoming Jews by Choice. That's a good thing, too.

I didn't agree with everything Rebbe Steinsaltz had to say, but I was glad I heard him speak. I'll ponder his words for some time to come, I'm sure. And I'll be happy to have his signature in my well-highlighted copy of his book.