Erev Shabbat, Going to Mikveh and Other Friday Mullings

It’s Erev Shabbat, or Friday afternoon heading into Friday evening, just before the beginning of the Jewish Sabbath, which begins at sun down. I have no cleaning lady coming today. I have to leave to get my children at 2:30. I am still working at noon and there is no chance that I will get around to Shabbat preparations like housecleaning, before I leave. I’ll be lucky to get the challah started or even begin on dinner. Yet, it is time to prepare for the Sabbath, a day that should be focused on God, but during which I know I will be busy taking my kids hither and yon. So, what’s a nice Jewish girl – and one who writes about the Sabbath and the importance of creating sanctuaries in time – supposed to do? Create as much Sabbath as I can.

I’ll wipe off the sinks and toilets, put a white tablecloth on the dining room table, change the sheets on the bed, throw some stuff in the bread maker, stick some chicken in a pan to cook, pile up the stuff on the kitchen counter, and quick run a vacuum around….or I’ll at least try to do some of this. It will be my intention, my kavanah. No matter what, a nice dinner will be served on a table set nicely. Challah will appear – round for this season. The house may not be clean, the beds not necessarily changed, but when my family is all home, we will sit down to a nice meal together after lighting the candles and saying blessings. We’ll let the week go, say a prayer, and then strike the match… Maybe we’ll discuss this weeks Torah portion…maybe just talk and enjoy each other’s company. We will remember the Sabbath and observe it to the best of our ability over the next 24 hours.

And why will I do all this? Well, it is traditional to prepare your home on Shabbat as if you are welcoming in an important guest…the Shechinah, the feminine aspect of God, or simply God. And why must the women do the work? Well, if there is only a man at home, it becomes his job, but traditionally, Jewish women have been the creators of sacred space and sanctuaries in time. This is our role, our sacred duty. It shouldn’t be seen as drudgery, not simply as house work, but as spiritual preparation for the whole family to enjoy. We create the space within which holy rituals and practices and prayers take place. We make that happen by creating a sanctuary within which time can stop for a little while…24 hours…and within which we can place God and thoughts of spiritual and sacred things. Maybe we find this in our daily life – if we are really lucky, but most of us go through most of week without thinking so much about God. Shabbat asks us to remember the difference between the sacred and the profane, the extra-ordinary and the ordinary, so we will see and experience God on the Sabbath and then be more aware of the sacred during the other six days. Women have a truly wonderful job when it comes to Sabbath preparations, and we should embrace it. Well, I know sometimes that is a bit difficult, but seeing housework as holy work does help…

I read an article today (from last week’s Forward) about Conservative rabbis basically saying that Conservative Jewish women should visit the mikveh, or ritual bath, after the end of their menstrual cycle and should abstain from sex for seven days after that as well. Many Jewish women realize that this is an Orthodox practice still upheld by many Jewish women. Some less religious and observant may even like going to the mikveh for this reason, but in this day and age, asking women to abstain from sex for two weeks out of the month seems pretty tough. Many women travel and aren’t with their life partner that often or can’t get to a mikveh while out of town. Sometimes we are too busy or tired to have sex during the two “approved of” weeks of the month. And what if there is no mikveh available? I could go to the ocean, but you won’t find me immersing myself three times in the frigid waters of Northern California’s Pacific Coast. I’ve thought about it…(I’m menstruating at the moment…seems with the onset of peri-menopause I do so at all sorts of times and for all sorts of lengths of time. If I had to go to the mikveh and abstain from sex because I was impure during and after my period, I’d be there all the time and I’d never make love to my husband!)

Plus, putting restrictions on when we can and can’t have sex and telling us we have one more thing we have to do will make many Conservative Jewish women seek other paths for expressing their Judaism. All too often, we’ve seen what putting restrictions on things and making things harder does to people – it sends them running the other way. Judaism has lost a lot of Jews to other, more-allowing spiritual paths already.

In addition, in the most recent past women have found many reasons to go to the mikveh and to create rituals during which a trip to the mikveh is meaningful for them. Why not let them grow into their use of the mikveh – especially those who have not used one in the past – in nontraditional ways so they…maybe…start wanting to use it for more traditional purposes? I say, let Jewish women use the mikveh in ways that are meaning-full and spirit-full for them.

In addition, and probably most importantly, these Conservative rabbis are reiterating a message to women that has come down through the ages and been despised by more modern women. They are telling Jewish women to use the mikveh after their menstrual cycles and to abstain from sex for two weeks because during that two-week period they are “impure.” If women’s menstrual cycle makes them impure, then what does that say about their ability to have children? This is how they perpetuate the lineage, the faith. Without a menstrual cycle, there would be no children. God gave women this ability as a gift, a divine role, a sacred and holy thing that women, not men, can do. We bring life into the world. How can this make us impure? The whole idea is archaic and chauvinistic…and, well, wrong.

Now, I don’t consider myself a feminist. I believe in equal rights for all, mind you. I wasn’t happy this summer when I was stuck in quiet, non-communal worship on the women’s side of the mechitsa at the Western Wall on Friday night while my husband and son danced and sang on the other side with a huge assortment of men. Yet, you won’t often find me on a soap box preaching about equality for women. That said, I’m all for women taking back their role as prophetesses and creators of sacred space and sanctuaries in time. I’m all for Rosh Chodesh groups and women creating rites, rituals and prayers. I’m all for Jewish women seeing themselves in the, albeit, untraditional role of “priestess” particularly over their homes and over women’s groups of all sorts. Indeed, it is here we have traditionally been the ones to create sacred space and to preside over rituals and prayers, such as on the Sabbath and at Passover.

So, is there a way to incorporate this mikveh idea and not make Jewish women impure or force them to do something they don’t want to do, can’t do or find themselves unable to do? Yes. Imagine yourself going to the mikveh…a lake, an ocean, a stream, or a ritual bath at your synagogue. Visualize the process…if you know it (Otherwise, learn what it is first!)…and then do this whenever you like. I’ll do it later today, to prepare for Shabbat, another traditional time to visit the mikveh. I’ll see myself entering the (warm) ocean waters, dipping three times, saying three blessings, cleansing myself spiritually for the Sabbath.

But for right now, I need to finish my work. The work week is not yet over. I have a few hours left!

(If you are Christian, you’ve got a whole day left! You can still think about the usefulness of any type of mikveh for your own purposes and how you prepare for your Sunday Sabbath.)

Creating Our New Year Consciously

Creating Our New Year Consciously As I sat in the front row at Rosh Hashanah services yesterday, I realized I was watching my son create his future right before my eyes and the teary eyes of the rest of my Jewish renewal community, Chadeish Yameinu in Santa Cruz, CA. I watched with gritted teeth and a tense body, closing my eyes each time I felt myself focusing too much worrisome energy in his direction. I didn't want to make his first time as ba'al tekiah any harder than it already was with my intense stare on him, fear showing in my eyes -- fear that he would not blow the shofar, the ram's horn, well and find himself embarrassed, as I waited with bated breath for the next call to be blown. I closed my eyes and listened...the real mitzvah (commandment) for the holiday...to the beautiful calls of the rams horn that my son created. I heard the calls -- one a call for us to awaken to the Spirit of the Universe, to return to God, to connect with the part of ourselves created in the Divine image, another to remind us of the brokenness in the world and in our lives, another to make us hear a mother crying -- maybe the Shechinah (the female aspect of God) weeping for all the negativity in her creation, for the death of her children. It's a call to be reborn, to heal the brokenness, to change the tears to laughter. And it provides an opportunity for us to take the energy of the new Jewish year and to create what we want in the coming year. At this time of year, the universal energies help us to manifest what we desire. And we have 10 days until Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement or At-One-Ment, to think about how we missed the mark in the last year -- the Hebrew word for sin, "chet," comes from the archery term that means "to miss the mark" -- and how we want to do things differently. Again, we use the energy between the two holidays to help us manifest what we desire, within ourselves and in our external world. And there stood my son, creating what he wanted. He was blowing the most beautiful calls with his long, shiny shofar. He was stepping into the position he has dreamed of holding, and, in the process, manifesting that position as his own. He was becoming what he wanted right there in the moment. And, despite my worries, he seemed to be doing it confidently and with little problem. Everyone watched this 12-year-old boy step into the shoes of an adult and become a necessary part of the holiday rituals. In fact, he was making it possible for everyone in the room to fulfill their mitzvah of hearing the shofar blown. He also was performing a great mitzvah -- the blowing of the shofar on Rosh Hashanah. What an honor for him. What a gift for everyone else. And he received the gift of performing a commandment, doing it with confidence, and having the experience of being good at what he was doing, and giving to others at the same time. I was so proud. And as I watched him become what he had dreamed of being, a ba'al tekiah, I realized that I, too, needed to step into the role I want to play, the position I want hold in the coming year. I need to stop talking about what I want to do, what I hope to create, what I desire in my life and, as Nike likes to say, "Just do it." I needed to use the next 10 days to be what I want to be in the next year, thus helping to inscribe myself in the book of life. And I needed to seize every opportunity to do so, just as my son had done. Yes, we are told that on Rosh Hashanah "it is written" and on Yom Kippur "it is sealed"...who shall live and who shall die, who shall prosper and who shall lack...Yet, Judaism teaches us that despite the fate God determines for us, we always have the opportunity to change that decree. We change it with our actions and with our intentions and with our attempts to be the best people we can be. Rosh Hashanah is about turning back to ourselves -- the best part of ourselves, our true, pure selves --- pure souls. (Elohai neshama shena tata bi tehora hi...Oh, God, the soul you have given me, she is pure.) We can try now, during the next 10 days, to determine that decree, to begin the process of manifesting our desires by combining our thoughts and our feelings into an experience of what we want right now -- just like my son blowing the shofar only in our minds and bodies. We can look at our past year, determine what we want to change, decide who we want to be, and then begin right now to be that person. And each day afterward we can continue this process, thus taking an active role in determining how the book of our life is written. Despite the fact that the Kabbalists say God is directing our movie, we, as the actors, have the free will to think, say and act in that movie. We play our part. What part do you want to play this year? Can you see it? Can you feel it? Can you be it? I can. During the tashlich service at the beach, where we symbolically discarded our sins by throwing crumbs of bread into the ocean, I took one large piece and asked to be forgiven for not being my true self, not fulfilling my soul purpose during the past year. The sound of my son playing the shofar will ring in my ears for a long time, reminding me to create my life now, tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the next month and all those that follow. I'll remember also that piece of bread floating on the receding wave and my intention, my kavanah, to this year be my best self and do what I know I am here to do.

Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashana

In about eight hours, the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashana (translated as "head of the year") will be upon me and all Jews on PST. For those in other areas of the country or in other parts of the world, the sun may be setting or already may have set, the yom tov (holiday) candles may have been lit, and the new year observance may have begun. I'm still in preparation mode. Well, actually, I'm still in work mode.

And it is work -- actually a year's worth of work -- that weighs on my mind as I approach the New Year. A book project of mine that took up all 12 months of 2005 ended up back in my lap almost two months ago, despite the fact that I was contracted to do the project by the publisher and the publisher was set to publish it. (It's a long story not worth going into now...I dont' want to dwell on the past or on anything negative as the energy of the next 10 days descends upon me.) I've sent it to two agents, and the second today-- just now -- rejected it. My liason with the first publisher, the man who actually got me the job, also put me in contact with this agent. Despite the fact that he thinks I have a great "opportunity" to sell this manuscript, which he says "will sell" and be successful, to a bigger publisher now, I am struggling with the rejection and wondering if I'll ever see the fruits of my labor in the form of an actual book.

When he heard the original publisher was giving me the chance to cancel our contract and pursue a bigger publisher, my liason said, "What good news!" and assured me that this was "for the best." At that time, I managed to get past my anger and frustration at having to try and get the manuscript sold and to grasp the fact that, indeed, maybe this was an opportunity for me to make the book more successful -- and maybe to even make a little money on it while still contributing 10% to charity. Today, with the words of the agent still ringing in my ears, I am forced to grapple with this concept of "for the best" again. How can it be for the best if I am forced to take my energy off of the other work I'm doing -- work that a different agent is actually interested in looking at soon -- to find an agent who believes in this other book and is willing to find it a home at some publishing house?

In Judaism there is a saying, "Ein ode milvado," "There is nothing but God." This quote from the Torah, the Old Testament, serves as a reminder of God's presence in every situation -- good or bad. The Jewish mystics, or Kabbalists, taught that nothing in life is a coincidence. Whatever we experience provides us with the means to experience God's goodness. While this goodness often is concealed from us, it the spiritual transformation that occurs as we deal with what life throws at us that brings us closer to a realization of our connection to God. Ultimately, what we experience is that everything is one, it is all part of God and filled with the light of the Divine. We are supposed to realize that despite our free will to respond to given situations in our lives, the "movie" of our lives is one run by the Divine Creator. In other words, no matter what we experience in life, even difficult or painful events, possess a Divine purpose or reason. What is that reason? To experience Go'd inifite goodness.

Today, as I contemplate this idea and say to myself over and over again, "Ein ode milvado. There is nothing but God," I am trying to remember that things happen for a reason, that something good can come out of this situation. I do believe this at my very core. I do, but today it is hard to understand why this agent rejected my manuscript -- and me -- and why I am in this situation of having to sell a manuscript I was asked to produce at all. I have all sorts of questions....This was not a project I would have taken on unless asked. Why was I asked to take it on if it was going to end up a weight on my shoulders? Why would God want me to have wasted a year on a book that doesn't look like it will get published? Why can't finding a agent and a new publisher be easy? If this is for the good, shouldn't finding an agent and a publisher be easy?

The only answer I get comes softly, quietly. It's the Still Small Voice saying, "Trust. It will all work out for the best. You'll see. Just be patient."

And I think to myself, "If this agent didn't take my book, she must not be the right agent. The right agent must still be out there."

And then comes the other voice...Whose is it? Doubt? "Maybe the agents are right, and the book is not worth publishing."

And then I have to forcefully tell myself, "Trust! Remember what you were told...'This book will sell. This is for the best.' It will all work out." I add, "Ein ode milvado. God's hand is in this, too. There must be some reason why this is happening, and I just don't see it yet. This, too, is of God."

I realize today, as the time to light the yom tov candles draws nearer, as I must stop my work and move into the kitchen to begin cooking for our festive meal, that now, as the energy of Rosh Hashanah begins to seep into my experience, it becomes all the more important for me to focus on trust, on knowing that the movie is unfolding in this way because the Director has a plan for it's conclusion, on believing that all is well in my world even when I only perceive what is wrong in my world.

The next 10 days are a time of great promise. While our common Jewish liturgy says that at this time of the year we are "written in the Book of Life" for another year -- or not, the Kabbalists say that during this time, a person's spiritual makeup is rewritten. In fact, it is rewritten according to our desires. We are supposed to visualize ourselves a year from now -- What do we want to have accomplished? What do we want our lives, our relationships, our selves to look like? We must visualize our greatest dreams, our greatest selves, coming true, and in so doing, this lays a foundation for this to actually manifest these things in our lives over the next year.

I will stop writing now and spend some time visualizing...praying...combining the thoughts and feelings of having what I desire in the next year so that I experience it in this moment, in this Now, as if it already exists. I know that is the key...and the subject of another blog on another day. Maybe some of you will join me in this endeavor, for by all visualizing and praying in this manner to achieve our best selves in the coming year, we also raise the energy and consciousness of the planet as a whole. Not a bad thing either.... I'll visualize and then feel that connection with God that comes with knowing that everything is God -- the good and the bad -- and the feeling of trust and anticipation of positive outcomes to the current events of my life. And I'll end with a small plea of sorts, "Ken yehe ratzon. May it be God's will," and know that the Director of my life movie will hear it. And hopefully when I open my eyes I will have experienced the oneness of all things. And I'll be ready for the next holiday, Yom Kippur, the Day of At-One-Ment.